A Tickle

The definition of love sick :: to be made physically ill by love.

And I am. Or have been.

It is hard not to kiss a cute boy. Or a person you love. Cute or otherwise. 

And so I did. And now I am sick. 

But. I'd rather be sick from love than just sick.

Because then I'd have no one to make me soup. 

Or to make soup for. Which really. Is my favorite part. 

Kate Mantilini the Home Wrecker.

I posted a review of Kate Mantilini's in Beverly Hills on Yelp. Check it out if you so desire... especially if you're thinking of going there. Because you shouldn't. Because it was horrible.

How could it be anything good when it's named after the mistress of the owner's father?

Smartly sadistic but there has to be some bad kharma wrapped up in there. Or maybe it's bad on purpose. As a revenge conspiracy to forever taint the name of Ms. Mantilini...

For the Love of Food

I've always had an interesting [slightly bipolar] relationship with food.

I love it.

I really do.

But I also prefer to have a 23" waistline.

(which I definitely do not have right now, but have had in the far-far past, and the recent past).

And unlike my 90lb, 5foot tall baby sister who can eat everything she loves (or hates) while sitting watching an 8 hour Man vs. Food marathon without gaining an ounce (perhaps even losing one). I eat slightly more than I should or miss a workout,  and my 5'8," 150lb, birthing hips and I  have to move from jeans to stretch pants.

At least I have boobs.

....

I have been through cleanses. disorders. diets. binges. over eaten. under eaten. eaten.

And what I've realized is... food is delicious.

I love making it, buying it, eating it and ESPECIALLY eating out.

Eating out is most definitely a vice of mine. And what is worse is my boyfriend is a total enabler, being just as addicted as I to the shiny silverware, candle lit tables & food that magically prepares itself. So, two things have happened. One was, for lent [which I do...just in case], we gave up 'eating out'. Literally one of the hardest things I have ever done. Although, it did force me to cook a lot more & I discovered many a fun & quick recipe. Two, I have discovered Groupon, Living Social and Restaurant.Com.

As Socrates once told me [I was a greek classics minor.], know thyself. And I know thyself will eat out whether thy, as in I, really has the money or not. SO why not prepare. And so I have begun collecting these magical little deals that turn a small amount of money into a bigger one at all different types of restaurants. And because I love to write. And because I love to eat. I figured, I would combine the two and help spread the wisdom I will (and have) quickly amassed by jumping on the YELP bandwagon.

I've used it. I've taken advice. I've ignored advice. So now I'll give advice. Or at least my honest opinions. And believe me. I can be honest.

...

Muwahhhhahha.

...

Teetering

As a libra. My ultimate intergalactic goal is to stay balanced.

Attaining this goal, I have never done.

Work. Theatre. Emotions. Socially. Relationships. My Body. My Diet. My Life. My Etc.

Never have I ever, truly felt in-sync. I have felt busy. And oh, how I love that feeling. Always being someplace and having something else to do. But just because you're doing everything doesn't mean it's balanced.

Take my life a month ago. I wasn't working [besides random extra jobs]. I wasn't acting. I wasn't directing. I was sleeping late. Not working out. Dreaming. A lot. Awake & not. I felt nothing all the time. Except anxiety for the emptiness of my days.

My life today involves balancing 3 jobs [all rent paying]. One short film. One theatre project pending. 3 opportunities to be paid in theatre. Potentially training for a half marathon. And yoga daily for the next two weeks. Hopefully.

I rarely see my friends. I probably see my boyfriend too much [but anyone who knows me, knows I am serial serious monogamist.]. Not to mention I have a foster dog with peeing issues [i.e. he takes free reign on my apartment when i leave for one of my various obligations.]. But I love him anyway.

I am off balance in a completely different way than I was a month ago. But balance-less nonetheless.

The off-putting part is that I strive for balance. I pray for it. But never can I seem to manage it. Always, slightly, out of control my schedule & opportunities all tend to be. Always on the cusp of getting it together. But it's almost as if I'm missing that final Libra lynch pin that steadies it all out. That motivates enough to demand from life my desired schedule & fulfillment of my needs.

I claim to have once been a yogi. But truthfully I mean I went to classes once a week. Maybe. Still, in those few hours I committed to myself & to my inner & outer balance I found hope. My mind quiets during yoga. The breath. The focus. The balance I am forced to find physically, mentally and my most lacking, spiritually, acts as a Quiet Coyote for my constantly racing thoughts.

I have begun a 2 week trial for $30 @ Black Dog Yoga in Sherman Oaks just a few minutes from my apartment. I already have a gym membership to the local 24 Hour Fitness. Which I do frequent. Occasionally... but weight lifting. Treadmills. They have never motivated me past a couple of pre-bathing suit season, post break up, weeks. But yoga. Something about the overall wellness its moirae tends to invoke. The overall connection to all of life. To the balance of life. It makes it much more than a workout and that inspires me to come back. To squat a little lower. To reach a little higher. To stretch a little deeper. To relax my cringing face in...well...any pose.

Because.

In yoga.

I am a tree.

...wait for it.

I am rooted. I am growing taller. I am connected. I am strong. I am flexible. I may teeter, but in the end, even if I bend & crack. I am balanced. And will always have a place from which I can regrow.

And so as I stand in my life (run around. drive around. speed around. my life) I have decided to repeat to myself what I've always repeated to myself during yoga.

I am a tree.

And even in the moments I am not. I will breathe deep. Be patient with myself (& others). And I will balance. I will always balance, even if I end up teetering.

A little bit.