Life is in a constant state of change despite my desire & desperate attempts to keep it regimented. Formerly sedated compulsions are seeping through.
Unexpected love. The artist formerly known as Jem. Swept me away I suppose one could say.
Mostly. I say.
...
Sent an important email today. Several in fact. One response already releasing me from the hellhole in which I have been living since August. As of November 1st I am a leaf on the wind. Hopefully finding some place to land before then. Hoping not to be crunched. With all of my things. I have a lot of things. It would be hard to crunch them all.
Can and cannot wait to hear from another. An interesting feeling, tweaking ones heart just enough to make it slightly harder to breathe.
Too many ways to communicate these days. Noted mildly ironically as I perpetuate another form. Too many things to stay updated on, to accidently ignore someone on. To purposefully ignore someone on. It hurts to be rejected in real life. But for some reason to be rejected virtually stings in a new worse way. Hours spent refining an internet persona and still not what they want. New pain for a new world.
Vingt-Quatre Ans. Many years I have become. So suddenly it seems. Much to do by next year. Much to do in 356 days. Much to do about Everything. With so much to do it makes sitting, responding to emails seem so inconsequential. Lackadaisical even. Except it's probably through email that I will somehow do what needs to be done to cross it off my list.
Is that Irony? I've never truly understood the meaning.
I'll go ask Alanis.
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